It's my final blog of Love Week!
In this blog I'll be sharing my interview with Lady M., a dating coach and counselor. We discussed what dating with intention looks like- by defining dating and what you are looking for, identifying and addressing red flags, where the terms "ghosting" comes from, and more!
Lady M. is a dating relationship coach and has a degree in counseling. She is also a radio host in Charlotte, NC, where she discusses all things dating and relationships. Lady M. has a passion for relationships, especially healthy relationships!
Her services include coaching, date planning, and more.
What is a common misconception behind hiring a dating coach?
Many people are hesitant and apprehensive because they don't think it will work, but they have to change their mindset, and think "In order for me to get the results that I need, I need to go a different direction". Same thing that applies to our yearly check-up with our doctor, we need the same thing when it comes to relationships. We have to have some type of maintenance going on. Because another person can actually see maybe something you've done wrong or they can say, "Hey have you considered this?".
In today's society there are so many definitions on what "dating" is. What exactly is dating?
We take dating from the generations. Of course our grandparents' generation, they had courtships; they were courting each other, it actually took them less time to get married at that time. But it's actually how their love language was during that time, they knew exactly what their purpose in it was. Then our parents' generation, kind of the same thing, courtships still, but it now opened up to where we are today, that dating world. Where you have to really define what your dating is. What your purpose is, marriage, just to meet people, just to date, etc.
So when you actually break it down to what you're looking for, you'll then be able to identify what dating is to you. So many people get stressed out from dating, from bad experiences, but you have to define what your dating experience is once you define it, it will set you on a path to what comes next.
What defines an actual relationship, and what makes a relationship healthy ?
Of course we're in the title phase, that's what we want to know. Am I your friend, this or that? We want to know if we are exclusive with that person. We're not going to put all of our time and energy into that person, if there's no kind of exclusivity. That goes back to defining what you want out of your dating experience. If you are just meeting people, just meeting people and keeping it casual, then that's casual dating. If you're dating with a purpose, your standards should be so high because you're ultimately looking for "that one", at that time. If you want to just meet people and build friendships, then just know you are just that "friends". Don't expect phone calls or anything heavy with that person.
A healthy relationship looks like:
-support and encouragement-being each other's cheerleader.
-boundaries
-how you handle conflict matters
-they excite you!
Having that built in friendship in your relationship is very healthy! Being able to be open, honest, and transparent in your relationship is important.
See more of our conversation on IGtv !
What are 3 things to work on to make yourself "dateable"? Or even "marriage material"?
So when you make yourself dateable, it starts with you, and you have to do a lot of self work. There is an assessment, its called Gallup Tests and its created by CliftonStrengths, you should always know what your strengths are, because that way you are knowing who you are and what you bring to the table as an individual.
Another assessment is called 16personalities.com, this one is a personality test, and you're getting evaluated on your actual personality. That's actually how you do your self development. Along with your self development is also self-love, how do you rate your own worth. What are you doing for you first. If you're able to love you, then you can pass that love along to someone else.
If you want to get married sit down with women who are married, see what types of things they are doing to work on their marriage.
How can we identify red flags? Typically in the beginning of everything, we have to make sure that we are tuned in, because you will see and hear those red flags right away. Always see and hear what's going on. Take notes while you're getting to know a person, so you can always go back to your notes to see their behavior. Always good to see a person in their five elements. You want to see them happy, under pressure, sad, angry, and at their lowest point. Because this will help determine to you how they handle certain situations and how they go through their emotions, and if that's something you can deal with.
How do you know if it's a red flag that can change versus something you just need to walk away from?
It's how you have that conversation. When you call them out on it it tells you a whole lot about them. If they have a compassionate heart, and they take accountability that will say a lot about them.
What do you think leads to ghosting? Cat fishing? Scamming, etc.? what type of advice can you give someone who has been a victim in any of these situations? With online dating especially it's difficult and when I say that you're getting to know the person from an online perspective you don't know, unless their being transparent and honest with you, that they're also getting to know other people. Typically they don't share that info with you. So of course you're getting to know that person, then the ghosting comes, no text or call for a few days. When that happens, it's typically because they are trying out other options and talking to other people. When that happens don't waste your time, move on to better opportunities.
As far as cat-fishing goes, I don't know why people do that. It seems like there's an emotional imbalance or trauma happening that makes them want to mislead and deceive on that level.
How can those reading and watching get in touch with you about your services?
On Instagram and Twitter @ladymdatingcoach. They can email me at ladymrelationshipcoach@gmail.com .. And visit my website ladymthedatecoach.net ..
Again I really want to thank Lady M. for all of her amazing insight, thank you everyone who has been tuning into Love Week. I can truly say I learned a lot more about my own dating habits, how to be honest with myself and others, knowing my worth, and how to truly date with intention.
Everyone stay safe & stay sane. I'll see you in March for Women's Month!
Xoxo, Aeb!
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