And definitely not a joke...
The sad truth is that we all have had a close friend and/or family member that has battled cancer in some way or form. It is important for each of us to educate ourselves to prevent ourselves and those around us from a future diagnosis, how to support and care for cancer patients close to us, and what we can do to support these causes. Another sad truth is that almost everyone knows someone or is a survivor of abuse of some sort themselves. In the case of abuse and cancer patients, I never refer to them as victims, I always refer to them as survivors. Whether you are currently battling or have made it to the other side of either of these, you are a survivor.
Awareness.
As many of you may or may not know, October is Breast Awareness Month and Domestic Violence Awareness. The pink ribbon represents support and awareness for Breast Cancer and its patients and survivors, while the purple ribbon represents the same for Domestic Violence.
Both breast cancer and domestic violence, hit a little close for me. I feel it's my personal responsibility to show my support and advocacy, during not only October, but also throughout the year. Bringing awareness and education to those in my life and on my social media.
On my social media, I make it my personal responsibility to call out those that make tasteless, foul jokes about domestic violence. There's nothing funny about domestic violence...at all. Don't get me wrong I have a great sense of humor, in my opinion, but that particular topic is no laughing matter. It is a slap in the face to survivors of abuse to joke about harming another person. Whether it's meant to be "light-hearted" or not, it's just not something to play about, for many it is a serious matter and have caused dramatic and/or deadly outcomes.
A close call.
When I was 15, during a routine doctor's visit, they found a lump in my right breast, within a matter of weeks I had appointments with breast cancer specialists and surgeons in order to remove the lump and further examine the lump. Once removed they were able to see that it was a benign tumor and I had nothing to worry about. For me this was a very close call, it was pretty scary to experience that at such a young age. So many thoughts instantly go through your mind when given all of these possible scenarios. I am thankful that things worked out in my favor and I had nothing to be concerned about.
While lumps and benign tumors are relatively normal, I would still support getting it removed so that it doesn't turn into another issue later down the line. Make sure that you are following the proper protocol to do routine self breast exams and following up with doctors when needed. Remember, you are your biggest advocate when it comes to your health so make it a priority to requests certain tests and exams. Do not wait until you find an issue, I can not stress this enough, be proactive!
Breast cancer is a disease that not only impacts women but men as well. I've had a few relatives battle and survive many cancers including breast cancer. Most recently two cousins battled with breast cancer and won! I could not be more proud of each of them. With most battles, it is mind over matter. A healthy body starts with a healthy mind, believing that you will get through this is thee most important step(obviously follow doctors orders, get the required procedures, medications etc.) but go into this with a positive mindset. When I hear testimonials of those that have battled cancer and other diseases it was their will to stay alive that truly kept them going. Just like with any fight or battle, you have to go into it knowing that you will conquer and succeed!
Love is not toxic.
As I spoke about earlier, domestic violence is not a joke to me. I find no humor in the harm of anyone; children, women, animals, etc. I see too many making light of and blatantly joking about wanting, glorifying, or acting out toxic, abusive "love". For many of us love can be defined in many ways. But one thing is for certain, love is not toxic. If you are dating someone who is abusive, narcissistic, or just doesn't make you happy...run the other way. Now don't get me wrong, love does have ups and downs, but should never put you in a place where you are being harmed, always sad, or afraid of your partner.
In my very early 20's I dated someone who was physically abusive. I'm sure when I first met him there probably were warning signs, but of course I ignored them because I thought I saw something. Well I saw something alright...something crazy! Because that's exactly what he turned out to be! This particular guy, I’ll be honest, was no Romeo, but he never showed that dark side of him until about 6 months into us dating, also once he saw my life and career progressing beyond his. By the way, jealousy is never a valid reason to be a horrible person! Or to harm anyone! There were many times when I was embarrassed to talk about the things he was doing. Not only was he speaking to me negatively, wishing me harm, but he also was doing harm. I will spare the details, but there were many times I slept beside him scared to fall asleep. My best friend was very impactful in being a listening ear, never passed judgement, and to this day has helped me heal from this situation.
One of my most recent relationships was very emotionally and mentally abusive. Because of my dating history with the guy from my early 20's, I knew when enough was enough. I was not about to stick around to see if things would change, for better or worse. My best piece of advice for anyone that is in a relationship where things are always dark, whether there is harm being done mentally or physically, is to get far away from that person, protect yourself by all means (even if you have to involve the authorities), forgive yourself, and heal. Whether you talk about your experience with friends, family, or a professional, be sure to talk it out. If I can leave you with anything it is to not blame yourself. Some people just are horrible people, that does not mean that you deserved the things they did to you. It does not mean that it is something wrong with you, it's clearly something wrong with them, do not take on what they are doing as a question of your worth.
Healing, support, and advocate.
In terms of healing from trauma associated with battling cancer and/or abuse, it truly starts with talking. Both come with lots of anxiety, fears, negative thoughts, and stigmas. So getting your thoughts out of your mind is ideal, clear your thoughts so you can absorb positive thinking. In order to heal, you NEED plenty of that!
If you are a friend or family member of someone who is experiencing or has made it to the other side of either cancer or abuse, your support and advocacy is much needed for them to further heal. Be their listening ear, stay educated yourself on what they might be feeling, and constantly encourage them.
Affirmations.
I'm a huge believer in affirmations! They really do work, speaking positivity over your life in an intentional way leads to some great changes.
I selected a few of my favorite affirmations that are intentional and specific to breast cancer survivors and abuse/domestic violence survivor:
I am safe, supported, and protected
I am bold and courageous
I grow stronger and stronger each day
I let go of fear and doubt
I am a warrior
I am a survivor
I can channel my crisis into transformation
It is my right to have healthy, safe, respectful relationships
I create only healthy relationships
It is my right to express my emotions
I trust myself
I practice self-care
I forgive myself and set myself free
I am open to self-improvement
I am healthy and full of energy
I am valuable
I am worthy
I am victorious
I am conquering my illness; I am defeating it steadily each day.
I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind.
I AM living a long and healthy Life.
The positive advantage is always mine.
I use all of my experiences and knowledge to benefit my Life and others.
I AM provided all of the benefits that Life has to offer.
I choose to radiate love, joy and gratitude today.
I release my need to impress others.
I choose to accept myself just the way I am!
I release my need to compare myself to others.
I am ENOUGH just as I am.
I honor my need to rest and recharge.
My discomfort or pain is temporary. I feel better every day.
I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them.
I am sexy and feminine.
I am loved.
The perfect partner for me is coming into my life sooner than I expect.
My life is just beginning.
I eat healthy, nutritious and digestible food every day.
I refuse to let anything or anyone hold me back.
I am beautiful and worthy of every truly beautiful thing
I am here for a reason. Nothing about my life is an accident. I am just as God intended me to be.
For more affirmations for abuse and trauma survivors visit: BlumaAffirmations.co
For more affirmations for breast cancer patients and survivors visit: FabulousBoobies.com
To get educated and to support the breast cancer cause be sure to visit Susan G. Komen.
If you or someone you may know is being harmed by their partner please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for help.
